It is 2016 and I am still single- Where do I go to meet other quality singles in LA?!
Now that you've decided you are ready to meet someone in the new year, commit to finding new ways to explore and be open-minded in this fantastic city.
So here it is- our first newsletter in the new year. We will be sharing resources, stories, advice, and tips on how to improve your love life in our weekly newsletters, and we can't do it without your questions, comments, and love. We toast you for being brave, honest, and determined and we want to be there each step of the way.
So where DO I meet someone Jenny?
Yesterday I interviewed the cutest girl for one of my clients. Turns out she actually went to my high school and when we spoke, she confessed that while she is really ready to find love, she genuinely doesn’t know where to meet someone. She is very social and spends time at various bars with her friends on the weekends, but seems to only meet the same type of guy or not meet anyone new since she sees the same single friends together on the weekends. And she is definitely not alone in this concern.
LA can be an easy place to stay in your routine and not meet new people but with a little effort and encouragement, all that can change.
I get asked this question a lot as a matchmaker- where can I meet other amazing single Jewish girls/guys here? First and foremost, if you have tried all of the below to no avail, try a matchmaker (and learn about all their services). Even if you can’t afford being a client for a high-end service like matchmaking (although this may be one option that is worth the investment), ask to be added to the singles database by providing details that stay private and confidential.
Being open-minded, positive, and hopeful is underrated. I have spent time interviewing hundreds of singles for the past couple years and have witnessed some spectacular matching and dating when people least expect it. Here are a few additional ways to meet your match...
#1 SAY HELLO
You can really meet someone anywhere you go. It starts by being a friendly person- you don’t have to make a pass on or obviously flirt with the cutie next to you in line if it doesn’t come naturally, but try just speaking to the people around you at your yoga studio, gym, market, etc- by doing this, you will get in the habit of talking to everyone and realizing that the object of your desire is really just a guy or girl with as many insecurities as you (or more) in this arena of life, so it is worth the time you spend thinking about it to actually open your mouth and say hi or ask a question or give a compliment and strike a conversation. Smile and compliment something neutral or ask someone if they have recommendations and then lead into more questions about them.
#2 EXPAND YOUR NETWORK
My second favorite recommended way to meet your better half is through your inner circle and larger network of friends- say yes to invitations. Birthday parties, engagement parties, brunches, dinners- yes yes yes. Go alone or with a friend but make sure you talk to at least 3-4 new people there. There could be a great catch for you at the party, or you could chat with a couple or a new friend who knows someone for you.
If you don’t have many friends or you all spend time with the same people, expand your circle. Reach out to old or new friends, go to charity functions, networking events or Meetups, and start chatting with more people and seeing if they want to do something you both have in common. People love to spend time with positive, energized, and gracious people, so open your heart and life to new friends. Be cautious to not lead anyone on of course, but making friends is something everyone has the ability to do.
#3 JOIN THE DIGITAL ERA
My cousin met her incredible husband on JDate. My good friend met his beautiful fiancé on Hinge. This past Sunday, I spoke with a couple who were about to celebrate their one year anniversary who met on Tinder- and they were laughing about it. One statistic claims that 1/4 singles meet online today, and that number is growing.
Aside from public/natural settings or through friends, the next best option is to utilize is the plethora of online apps and dating sites- with caution and screening. Check out apps like Jswipe, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, and Hinge. But first, make sure you have good pictures!
Your profile picture should be a good clear shot of your face and ask a friend you trust if your pics are actually good ones (preferably someone of the opposite gender). Don’t write in your bio that you are looking to be friends or be casual unless you want a hook up buddy. Keep things real and personalized to what you enjoy doing and what you value and be sincere with what you are looking for. Humor is great but usually doesn’t work well over an online platform when someone doesn’t know you, and when you only have a few seconds before someone swipes or moves to another profile, you don’t want to come across as crass or rude. You shouldn't have other people in your pictures if you can avoid it, and you don't need a body shot or a picture of you next to your car or your dream car unless you want to attract people with those same values (not judging- I love cars too, but it could send the wrong message or attract people who are more into the car than you!).
Screen your matches and messages and try to only send short messages with one question versus a very long email. Stay positive and ask to chat on the phone so you can get a sense of who they are for a few minutes before meeting them. Gentlemen, step it up in this arena- message the girl(s) you match with instead of letting all your matches pile up while you stroke your ego. Your ego is not a good girlfriend. Ladies, it is ok in this day and age to send a brief message and express interest- think of it as the online version of a smile and inviting body language.
Of course, be careful of who you do decide to meet and only meet men or women who meet your real requirements (not a list of wants). You can ask some of these questions on the phone without coming across as a business interview. While meeting in person is the best way to assess compatibility and attraction, you don't need to be a serial dater if you know who you are and what you need in a partner.
Hope these tips help and please let me know if you try any of the above. We offer coaching packages for those of you who feel like you need a strong supportive team of matchmakers and experts who can help you.